The Bootleg Chronicles: MHA
by King Of Nipples
Summary: The first book of The Bootleg Chronicles. Featuring an AU where Quirks are Quirlks and having one makes you mentally retarded. The Quirlkless are known as Fucking Losers. Every character and their Quirks have been Bootlegged to the max.
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue

All characters are 19

It was a day like any other, but then a celestial god flew from the sky and jacked off so hard that most of the population gained superpowers known as quirlks. The force from the celestial god's ejaculation caused everyone to become retarded. Some people didn't gain quirlks they were called fucking losers. Scientists studied these quirlks and found some didn't gain quirlks and dubbed them fucking losers.

Ezooku Mitordiya was born a fucking loser and mentally retarded, nothing to do with the Celestial God mind you. Ezooku was adopted by Jiggly and her black boyfriend, but his adopted father left them because he couldn't handle Jiiggly's Quirlk Stretchy-Tit-Strong.

There was a giant shark-chan on the loose terrorizing the town eating people dicks. On his shoulder was a snail yelling "SUCK ON MAH BALLS!" It was a really weird sight a giant shark eating peoples dicks off. Ezooku showed up eating a pancake that he pulled out of his pocket. People heard a crunch and turned around to see a kid pulled a pancake from his pocket and began eating it. Some Old fuck with stars on his head said: "Kid why is your pancake crunching?" The weird kid said, "E-Ezooku's recipe I put rock in it." The man ran out on to the battlefield for some reason while calling Ezooku retarded. Shark-chan came up behind the guy and bit his dick off. The guy held his newly formed vagina and screamed. Suddenly a wooden dick smashed shark-chan in the face. Everyone turned and saw a pantless guy standing on the rooftop with his wooden dick stretched out. Everyone yelled, "Look its Hardened Wood!" And then a stream of shit hit Shark-chan and Hardened Wood's dick. Everyone turned again and saw Shit Stream, The Dysentery Hero. Then out of nowhere, Shark-chan was fisted in the face by Fister Man the Fisting Hero. Then a giant naked lady showed and picked up the old star fuck from the ground and used him as a dildo against Shark-chan. The giant naked lady was none other than Queen Dildo who uses everyone as dildos.

Ezooku was confused but was fapping to it. Why weren't they using pancakes? Pancakes were superior to all weapons nothing could beat pancakes. The giant Shark-chan was arrested after being assaulted by a wooden diarrhea man dildo and fisted. No one noticed the snail had gotten away. Little did they know the snail would be the one to destroy the world. Ezooku then went home and fapped to pancake porn. After fapping to his pancakes he starts thinking back on his childhood.

Four-Year-Old Ezooku walked through his house in the dark eating a pancake. He walked into his parents' room and saw them doing the pancake shuffle. Ezooku was so traumatized he attempted to use a quirlk that he didn't have to kill his parents. But he didn't have one so he killed them with a rock and consumed the remains. He then ate the rock to get rid of the evidence. But people found out and sent him to therapy for five years

Nine-Year-Old Ezooku was walking down the street after getting out of therapy eating a pancake. Then he ran into some blonde motherfucker known as Bakagoo. Ezooku called out to his friend "BAKAGOOO WHERE YOUR PANCAKEY" Bakagoo turned to see that retarded kid from down the road chasing him with a rock. There was only one thing he could do now... RUN. *Insert RUN meme here*

Bakagoo started running from the retarded kid and he heard a re "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"  
Ezooku threw the rock and missed Bakagoo. Bakagoo flipped the retarded kid off and said " You missed me you fucking loser" "Ezooku wasn't aiming for you"  
The rock hit some guy in the dick and bounced and hit some grandma in the face and killed her while she was walking in the park with her granddaughter. Cocktaco was the little girl who would become the Queef Queen in the future. Because of the death, Cocktaco unleashed her Quirlk: The Toxic Queef. Cocktaco Queefed super hard and floated to the moon. Anyways back to the Main Character THE ROCK HARD DICK JOHNSON.

The Rock ricochet and hit Bakagoo in the face. The Rock let out a battle cry " LEDLLEDLLEDLLEEEE" Bakagoo was passed out on the ground but Ezooku started slapping him with a pancake. Out of nowhere a Tentacle Nurse showed up and kidnapped Bakagoo. Ezooku watched Bakagoo get tentacle napped and walked home.

Back in the Present

Ezooku is getting ready to go to school he packed a pancake smg in his bag ready to shoot up the school or something. He walked through the street playing Pumped Up Pancaked on his pancake speaker.

PROLOGUE END  
PANCAKEY WILL REEEEEEETURN


	2. Chapter 2

All the other waffs with the pumped up nrts you better run better run out run my PaNcAkEy  
~ Pumped Up Pancakes

Ezooku arrived in front of the school looking like a fucking retard. He was cosplaying as Spongebong Square Joint, The Hemp Crusader (THC). THC was the number two hero right after All Nuts. Ezooku walked into class and reached into his bag and pulled out the pancake smg. Everyone screamed and ducked for cover while Pumped Up Pancakes played over the intercom. He tried to shoot them but Ezooku didn't have any bullets. Some kid ran up and ate the pancake smg. Ezooku started screeching and then the B-FBI busted into the room. "B-FBI OPEN UP!" Suddenly the windows and doors blew up and the B-FBI busted in. "Scalpel! B-FBI" The B-FBI started cutting people up with their scalpels while people were screaming ":B-FBI!" One of the B-FBI members nipples stretched out and turned into scalpels. The Scalpel nipples started spinning like helicopter blades. Some kid walked into the classroom "WHATS GOING O- the students head flew off and hit some fuck in the dick. Other students were sucked into the nipple blades. They were all to retarded to use their Quirlks so they got massacred.

All of this because Ezooku tried to shoot up the school but had no bullets. Ezooku jumped out the window and landed on ALL NUTS. ALL NUTS was the number one hero that had destroyed all villains when his gigantic NUTS. Sometimes he tea-bagged his enemies to death. ALL NUTS' Nuts were weapons strong enough to destroy the moon. If ALL NUTS jacks off its strong enough to destroy a planet. His signature move is the Dallas Smash he grabs his nuts and smashes people in the face with them.

"I AM ALL NUTS WHAT DOING HERE?" Ezooku said, "s-save Zooku from bullshitters, the school got shot up by the B-FBI." ALL NUTS saw a nipple blade flying everywhere and said to the kid, "THEY'RE NOT HERE FOR YOU KID, THEY'RE HERE FOR MY NUTS," All Nuts pulled down his pants and revealed his NUTS. The Nuts were seven feet tall and five feet wide. Ezooku looked at ALL NUTS and asked "Where your Pancake?" All Nuts was confused " PANCAKE?" he questioned the kid. "Pancake Pancake PANCAKE" The kid was really fucking weird All Nuts realized. "ALRIGHT KID I'LL GIVE YOU PANCAKES, JUST GRAB ON MY NUTS". And so Ezooku grabbed onto ALL NUTS' Nuts and they flew off towards the sunset with Zooku haling Hitler.

Pancake Haus (Insert Swastika Here)

ALL NUTS and Ezooku sat at a table eating pancakes. They were surrounded by Nazis and Nazi waiters and waitresses. All of the staff was cos-playing as Nazis and walked around Sieg Hailing. "Give Zooku more pancake! Zooku want more pretty pancake". The pancakes were shaped as a Swastika covered in syrup. The plates the pancakes were on had pictures of Adolf Hitler on them. The restaurants motto was "You chose the Reich place". "KID I'M SURE YOU'RE WONDERING WHY THE B-FBI IS AFTER ME." Ezooku replied " Z-Zooku don't care Zooku only want pancakes" ALL NUTS didn't listen to the kid and continued in his story " YOU SEE KID THERE ARE THESE GEMS CALLED THE INFINITE ROCKS. ONCE ALL SIX ROCKS ARE GATHERED THEY ARE PLACED IN THE MEGA GAY GLOVE AND GRANT POWER OVER STUFF. THE B-FBI ARE AFTER ME BECAUSE MY NUTS ARE INFINITE ROCKS." Ezooku didn't care about All Nuts' story all he cared about was Pancakes. All Nuts realized Ezooku wasn't listening to his story and said " YOU WEREN'T LISTENING BOY I SWEAR TO BOOTLEG GOD I WILL TEA-BAG YOU INTO OBLIVION!" Ezooku kept eating pancakes syrup was flying everywhere.

Then suddenly the door was blown off and Bakagoo stepped in " Found you Ezooku, its tentacle time!" Ezooku looked up and saw tentacles flopping around like wet noodles. All Nuts stood up " YOU WILL LEAVE THIS KID ALONE FORE I WILL USE MY NUTS TO SAVE THIS KID". Bakagoo said, "Bring it on All Nuts I will defeat you". Bakagoo readied his tentacles to attack All Nuts, but he got slapped in the face by All Nuts' Nuts. Bakagoo flew through Pancake Haus' wall unconscious

Suddenly from outside Pancake Haus they heard " B-FBI COME OUT WITH YOUR NUTS UP IF YOU DON"T HAVE NUTS PUT UP YOUR DICKS IF YOU DON"T HAVE THOSE PUT UP YOUR PANCAKES." All Nuts froze he knew that voice it was B-FBI Director, Bulk Trojan. He was a former WRASTLER his Quirlk: Pec Rejection he could absorb and shoot things out of his pecs. Ezooku was still eating pancakes and he walked out to see what the commotion was he saw Bulk Trojan, the B-FBI Director. Bulk Trojan looked at the kid and recognized him, " Oh Fuck its the pancake kid". Ezooku pulled out his pancake smg this time he had his bullets. Pancakes bullets penetrated some of the B-FBI agents until they activated their quirlks. Suddenly nipple blades busted from the B-FBI agents shirts, deflecting the pancake bullets. The pancake bullets ricochet and flew into Ezooku's mouth and ate them. Some of the bullets hit B-FBI Agents in the anus killing them from anal bleeding. One of the B-FBI agent's dick stretched out and grew blades. The people inside the Pancake Haus were confused and concerned at the same time. One of the waiters jumped out of the window and used his Quirlk: Gas Chamber Projection. With this Quirlk he can summon a gas chamber anywhere he wants. Gasu Shitsunai was immediately hired by Pancake Haus because he reminded them of their lord and savior Adolf Hitler.

"It is I Gasu Shitsinai here to gas the Jews!" The B-FBI heard about this guy the Gas Chamber Quirlk he was dangerous. The B-FBI members knew that one of them cold defeat Gasu. Dick Blade Guy was the second in command of the B-FBI, his Quirlk was Dick Blade with it he could stretch his dick and grow blades on it. Gasu Shitsunai looked at Ezooku and said " We need to form an alliance to beat this guy"." Z-Zooku don't need help Zooku only need PaNcAkEy". Gasu didn't know what the fuck was wrong with this guy, but then he thought of something, " I will give you as many pancakes as you want if you help me." Ezooku pulled out his pancake rpg and shot pancakes at Dick Blade Guy but his dick blade cut the pancake in half before it hit him. Dick Blade Guy laughed and said, " That pathetic attack can't hurt me you fucking loser!" Gasu Shitsunai summoned a Gas Chamber around Dick Blade Guy and a bunch of chlorine filled the chamber. The gas entered Dick Blade Guys body and began destroying his lungs. Dick Blade Guy began coughing up blood he knew if he didn't get out now he would die. Gasu stared at the chamber for a bit before running off with Ezooku to help All Nuts 


	3. Chapter 3

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T RUN FROM MY NUTS" All Nuts knew he could defeat Bulk Trojan with his NUTS. "You fool my Quirlk is too strong for your nuts". All Nuts ran at Bulk and used Dallas Smash on Bulk but Bulk's Pecs clamped down on the NUTS. " OH NO, HE HAS MY NUTS". Bulk started spinning All Nuts around by his nuts. Bulk released All Nuts who was sent flying and crashed into a Children's Hospital that was destroyed by his nuts.

Gasu and Ezooku arrived and saw All Nuts crash into a children's hospital Gasu said, "Oh fuck All Nuts no!" Bulk looked at them and said "All right ya fucks, Ya thought you could run from Bulk Trojan, Now prepare to be destroyed by my pecs", as he started flexing his pecs "Now you saddlebags are fucked". Ezooku fired his Pancake SMG but the bullets were absorbed by Bulk's pecs. Bulk shoot the pancake bullets back at Ezooku and Gasu but Ezooku ate them. Gasu summoned a Gas Chamber beside Bulk and turned to Ezooku and said, "You need to push him into the chamber". Ezooku reached into his bag and pulled out a pancake dildo that he shoved into Bulk's mouth and pushed him into the chamber. Bulk was being pushed back by the pancake dildo. Bulk was pushed into the chamber and the pancake dildo was pulled out of his mouth. Bulk started coughing up tons and tons of syrup. Gasu didn't know what to do after he witnessed that horror. "What in the name of Bootleg God was that?!" Ezooku looked at Gasu and said, " That was Z-Zooku's special technique Throat Destroyer". Gasu stared at Ezooku and asked, "What was your quirlk again?" " Z-zooku doesn't have a Quirlk. Z-Zooku has PaNcAkEy."

Meanwhile, at the other gas chamber, Dick Blade Guy was thinking of how to escape. Dick Blade Guy started furiously stroking his dick like there was no tomorrow. Dick Blade Guy participated in No Nut November so he hadn't nutted in thirty days. Dick Blade Guy's dick launched out at light speed and flew over the chamber.

Cocktaco and her grandfather were grilling in the park to commemorate the anniversary of her grandmother's death. Cocktaco started crying but her grandfather was patting her on the back. "Its okay shes with us inside our hear-" but suddenly a dick blade shot through his heart and pinned him to a tree. Cocktaco screamed, " NO not again!" First, her grandmother was killed by a rock and now her grandfather with a dick blade. Dick Blade Guy's dick blade was stuck inside the grandfather and the tree. He couldn't pull it back to him so he cut it off. Cocktaco watched all of this happen and thought to herself ' What in the name of Bootleg God is going on? You know what fuck it I'm outta here.' Cocktaco queefed her way back to the moon.

'Why is my dick blade so small?' Dick Blade Guy thought to himself. His dick blade looked like a noodle and the tip looked like a Skittle. Some random guy walking down the street felt a poke and looked down to see a dick was stabbed by a dick skittle. Dick Blade Guy could absorb life force from whatever his dick blade stabbed in to. But since the dick blade was so small it would take awhile. Slowly blood was being drained from the guy's neck into Dick Blade Guy's dick making it bigger. The guy was letting this happen because he was retarded. Once the man was fully drained he deflated and turned into a waffle. Dick Blade Guy was fully charged he ran off to help Bulk Trojan.

Bulk absorbed all the gas inside of the chamber with his Quirlk: Pec Rejection. Bulk destroyed the chamber walls with his pec fists. You see Bulk could grow fists out of his pecs and punch the fuck out things. "Alright, you saddlebag fucks your both going down".Bulk ran up and put Ezooku and Gasu in a choke hold with his pecs and began releasing the gas. " T-This is it... this is where we die...no' Gasu thought. ' We ...we get out this, use your pancake." Ezooku and Gasu were about to pass out when they heard " DALLAS SMASH!" Suddenly nuts flew out of nowhere and smashed Bulk in the face.

All Nuts pulled himself out of the children's hospital. Children were crying for help but All Nuts ignored them, they were going to die anyway. All Nuts rushed to help the pancake kid and the gas chamber guy.

All Nuts arrived on the scene and smashed Bulk in the face with his NUTS. Bulk was sent flying into the Children's Hospital for Epilepsy that was across the street from the Children's Hospital for Cancer Kids. Bulk landed in the Common Room and all the children surrounded him. One of them said, "Wow! Its Bulk Trojan the B-FBI Director".Bulk couldn't control his Quirlk so his pecs opened up and released a flash-bang. The children had epileptic seizures so bad that they fucking died. Bulk left the Children's Hospital for Epilepsy and walked down the street and ended up at the Children's Hospital for Lung Problems. There he was surrounded by children and lost control of his Quirlk and released the gas from the gas chamber and killed he kids. Bulk left this hospital and found himself at another hospital, The Children's Hospital for Goblin Rape Victims. Bulk expected to be surrounded by kids again, but they didn't show up. So Bulk released the Goblins that were stored in his pecs.

All Nuts picked Gasu and Ezooku after he hit them with his nuts when he Dallas Smashed Bulk. All Nuts carried Gasu and Ezooku away. He put Gasu back in the Pancake Haus. All Nuts didn't know where Ezooku lived so he was going to bring him back to his house. As All Nuts was walking back to his house he heard something that sounded like a helicopter. All Nuts looked up and saw Dick Blade Guy with his dick blade spinning around like a helicopter blade. Suddenly Bulk appeared to deliver a kill shot on All Nuts and Ezooku. At the same time, Dick Blade Guy swooped down to deliver a kill shot on All Nuts and Ezooku. Bulk ended up right in front of Dick Blade Guy's path. Bulk was decapitated, stabbed in the chest, and minced. Dick Blade Guy thought he had killed All Nuts and Ezooku but when he looked down he saw Bulk Trojan, or what was left of him. "OH FUCK BOSS NO!"

Dick Blade Guy flew away in shame. All Nuts picked up Ezooku and brought him into his house and put him on the couch. All Nuts sat down in his recliner and turned on the TV to the Nut Workout Video.

Meanwhile at the B-FBI Headquarter

13 robed figures T-Posed around Dick Blade Guy to assert their dominance. "Alright you fuck you killed the director, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dick Blade Guy hung his head in shame and said, " You old fucks! You what, I don't care anymore, GIF IS PRONOUNCED YIFF!" The robed figures all said, " We were going to promote you because Bulk was a MEGA GAY Douchebag, but because of what you said, YOU'RE FIRED!" The robed figures threw Dick Blade Guy out of the window.

Suddenly Otnort ran into the room and said, " Guys I found our new director."

Otnort was a legendary inter-dimensional warrior who went to different dimensions stealing people's nipples to make his nipple powers stronger.

Otnort reached into his pocket and pulled out a half-eaten hamburger. "This is our new director". The robed figures looked at him like he was retarded until they said as one, "All right". Their reasoning? A half-eaten hamburger would be better than Bulk Trojan.


	4. Chapter 4

Bootleg MHA Ch4

Ezooku woke up in All Nut's house and started walking around looking for pancakes. Ezooku walked into the living room and saw the tv was on and was playing a nut workout video. The guy in the video had his nuts out squeezing the bar with his nuts. Next, the guy bench pressed 420 pounds with his nuts. Ezooku didn't understand why they weren't using their pancakeys. Ezooku left in search of the kitchen. Ezooku found the kitchen and began tearing it apart in search of the godly pancakes. Ezooku searched through the cabinets looking for pancakes but only found nut protein and cereal full of vitamin NUTS. Ezooku began autistically screeching for pancakes and All Nuts. Suddenly something fell over upstairs and caused a massive bang. Ezooku Furuto ran up the stairs in search of the noise. Ezooku busted into the room where the noise came from and saw some shriveled up fuckbag sitting on the bed. The shriveled up fuckbag had long saggy nuts that looked like raisins.

All Nuts woke up still tired from his epic fight with Bulk Trojan. What an epic fight it was, his nuts were still sore from being clamped by Bulk's Pecs. Truly Bulk was a formidable opponent his Quirlk: Pec Rejection was nothing to laugh at either. All Nuts still felt bad about knocking Gasu and the kid out with his nuts. Speaking of the kid he should be waking up right around now. His thoughts were confirmed when he heard shouts of pancake coming from downstairs. He wasn't ready for the first scream though because when he heard it he jumped and his saggy nuts knocked the lamp off the bedside table. The lamp hit the ground and shattered revealing some nut protein bars he had hidden inside of it. " I was wondering where I put those nut protein bars." All Nuts was about to get up to get the nut protein bars when his bedroom door slammed open and the kid ran into his room. All Nuts' eyes widened in shock, the secret he had kept hidden for years had been found out in a day by some kid he had just meet yesterday.

'OH NO! He wasn't supposed to see me like this.' All Nuts looked up in shock the kid had seen his true form. Ezooku looked at the shriveled up fuckbag and screeched "REEEEEEEE". Ezooku pulled a pancake dildo out of nowhere and began smacking All Nuts with it. " Who you, what you All Nuts." Before All Nuts could respond Ezooku pulled another pancake dildo out of nowhere and dual-wielded them. "ENOUGH OF THIS!" Suddenly All Nuts inflated into his muscle form. All Nuts' nuts inflated like the balloons the pedo clowns do at children's birthday parties. Ezooku ran into the corner and *INSERT CONFUSED SCREAM MEME HERE*. All Nuts grabbed a pair of superelastic pants from his drawer and put them on. The pants were so stretchy they could fit around the entire Kingdom Tower. "Why you pancakes saggy?" All Nuts was confused, "PANCAKES? DO YOU MEAN MY NUTS?" Ezooku nodded, "Pancake".

"OK KID I'LL TELL YOU HOW I GOT THIS FORM. IT ALL HAPPENED WHEN I FOUGHT THIS ONE SADDLEBAG BY THE NAME OF ALL CROTCH. WE FOUGHT AN EPIC BATTLE OF NUTS AND CROTCHES, BUT IN THE END, HE BEAT ME AND TEABAGGED ME. ALL CROTCH HAS CONTROL OVER ALL CROTCHES IN THE UNIVERSE. I ALMOST BEAT HIM, BUT I TRIPPED OVER MY OWN NUTS, AND FELL INTO A NUT CHIPPER." Ezooku raised his hand to ask a question, "What nut chip do?' All Nuts answered, "ALRIGHT KID I'LL PUT THIS IN SIMPLE TERMS, IT'S LIKE A WOOD CHIPPER, BUT WITH NUTS. GOT IT?" Ezooku nodded his head like he understood, but in reality, he still had no clue what a nut chipper was. " ALL CROTCH JUMPED IN AFTER ME SO HE COULD GET THE INFINITE ROCKS HIDDEN WITHIN THEM." All Nuts handed Ezooku a letter with the initials ' CSFB'. Ezooku was confused again. "CSFB what that?'

"ALRIGHT THE CSFB STANDS FOR THE COLLEGE FOR SUPER FUCKBAGS. THE CSFB IS THE BEST EDUCATION SYSTEM FOR UP AND COMING SUPER FUCKBAGS. IT WAS FOUNDED BY SOME SUPER FUCKBAG BACK IN THE DAY. THE PRINCIPAL OF THE CSFB IS SOMEONE YOU SHOULD KNOW VERY WELL, THE GOLDEN PANCAKE. HE WAS THE NUMBER SUPER FUCKBAG BEFORE HE RETIRED AND ALL NUTS TOOK OVER."

"Z-Zooku doesn't have quirlk Zooku has pancakey". "DON'T WORRY KID I CAN GIVE YOU A QUIRLK JUST STAND RIGHT THERE". All Nuts started slapping his nuts through his super elastic pants. His nuts began to release Gamma Radiation that started to melt Ezooku. " Z-Zooku not feeling so good Slap Nuts" Ezooku was slowly melting into goo and so was his backpack full of pancakes. Ezooku was now just a pile of goo and so was his backpack pancakes. "WELL, THERE GOES ANOTHER SUCCESSOR. MIGHT AS WELL FIND A NEW SUCCESSOR." All Nuts grabbed his vacuum cleaner and sucked up the Ezooku pancake batter. Inside the vacuum cleaner, the Ezooku goo and Pancake batter fused to become one being. All Nuts walked to the basement and poured the Ezooku pancake batter into the basement along with his previous dead successors. The basement was halfway filled up with dead mutated successors of All Nuts. Some of the successors were mutated to the max. One of them was a fucking tree for some reason. One looked like a cross between a Turtle and a Camel which would be Tamal or Curtle whichever you prefer. Anyway, All Nuts poured the Ezooku pancake batter into the basement. All Nuts took one last look into the basement shrugged his shoulders and walked away without a care in the world.

The next day Cocktaco was walking in the park with her older brother. She was going to show him the spot where their grandfather had died. He didn't believe her when she told him he was impaled onto a tree by a dick blade. So she was going to show him the blade hole and the blood on the tree. Once they had reached the tree Cocktaco said: "See I told you this was where Grandpa died!" Cocktaco was so sure this would prove to her brother she was telling the truth about their Grandpa. "Cocktaco you know that anyone could have died here. It could've been a B-FBI member training their nipple blades and some Super Fuckbag jumped in front of them."

All Nuts walked through the park looking for a new successor after the last one had died from his nut gamma radiation. All Nuts was looking for anyone with the capability of being a Super Fuckbag. Anyone could fit the role pretty well. As he was walking through the park he saw an older brother talking to his younger sister in front of a tree with a dick blade shaped hole in it. All Nuts wondered where Dick Blade Guy went after he killed Bulk Trojan. He also wondered who the new B-FBI director was after Bulk died by dick blade. There were some rumors about a half-eaten hamburger and the B-FBI, but he didn't know if the rumors were true or not.

All Nuts walked up the guy and put his hand on his shoulder. "KID I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEW SUCCESSOR." Cocktaco's brother turned around in shock. "All Nuts! Of course, I'll be your successor!"

"GREAT KID NOW COME WITH ME BACK TO MY HOUSE." Cocktaco watched her brother walk off with All Nuts and had a feeling she would never see her brother again.

Ezooku tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't because he didn't have a solid body after he was melted by the nut gamma radiation. Ezooku slimed his way around the dead bodies, while absorbing some of the bodies, to try and regain his human form. While he absorbed the bodies his slime form increased in size. A few minutes later Ezooku had absorbed all the bodies in the basement including the mutated ones. 'Why Zooku like pancake batter? Where Slapnuts?' All Nuts opened the door to the basement to throw Cocktaco's brother in. He was expecting to see all of his dead successors, but the room was clean. "What? Why is the basement clean?" All Nuts saw a blob in the middle of the basement.

All Nuts threw Cocktaco's brother at the blob. Cocktaco's brother started sinking into the blob which caused him to wake up. "All Nuts please help me!" All Nuts rushed over to Cocktaco's brother and began pushing him into the blob. "There must be no witnesses neither to my true form or my basement, so do me a favor kid and DIE!" Cocktaco's brother was pissed "ALL NUTS I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" All Nuts kept pushing Cocktaco's brother into the blob. Cocktaco's brother started choking on the blob with muffled screams of fear filling the basement. Once Cocktaco's brother choked to death on the blob All Nuts left the basement.

The next day All Nuts went to the park to tell Cocktaco the bad news about her brother. All Nuts found Cocktaco in the same spot she was in with her brother yesterday. Cockaco had been waiting in this spot since the sun rose this morning. Cocktaco had a feeling her brother wouldn't come back from All Nuts' house alive, and her feeling was proven right when All Nuts walked up to her with a sad look on his face. Cocktaco knew what that look meant she had seen that look from her remaining family members. You know the ones that didn't get impaled by dick blades and killed by flying rocks. Cocktaco wondered which one of her family members would die next. Little did Cocktaco know all the tragedy in her life had been caused by the failure known as the Bootleg Grim Reaper.

The reaper who we'll call Grimsy had been a failure for all of his life. So when Satan choose him to be the next Grim Reaper everyone in Hell were surprised and questioned his decision. Satan didn't like when people questioned him so he incinerated all who questioned him. The first few years went by smoothly with no fuck ups, but that all came crashing down when Grimsy took up skateboarding as a hobby. Grimsy always wanted to do a kickflip, but he sucked at skateboarding so he never could pull off any tricks. One time when he tried to do a kickflip he fell and his skateboard flew into the Wheel of Death and caused it to get stuck on the Cocktaco family. You see the Wheel of Death had every family and person in the world one it. So when it was spun by the reaper it selected someone to die. Since it got stuck on the Cocktaco family they experience tragedy after tragedy.

"KID I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD. HE COULDN'T HANDLE MY NUT GAMMA RADIATION, AND DIED." All Nuts couldn't tell Cocktaco what actually happened, so he told her a little lie. While her brother did survive the Nut Gamma radiation he didn't survive the blob in his basement. Cocktaco looked at All Nuts, flipped him off times two, then queefed back into space. All Nuts was surprised by her reaction, he had expected her to break down in tears when he told her, but her reaction was weird, to say the least. All Nuts shrugged his shoulders and continued walking through the park looking for a new successor. All Nuts continued walking through the park when he found a 36-year-old guy looking at his phone with a weird expression on his face. A closer inspection revealed that the guy was looking at loli porn on his phone. If you looked at the guys face you would see that he enjoyed seeing the lolis lewded to the max.

All Nuts walked up to the guy and put his hand on the guy's shoulder and said, " KID I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEW SUCCESSOR, SO GIVE ME YOUR PHONE." The guy looked up from his phone and said, " I am Timas what doing here?" All Nuts looked at the guy and said " I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEW SUCCESSOR SO GIVE ME YOUR PHONE." Timas handed All Nuts his phone which was still on loli porn. What All Nuts saw next would get him a visit from the B-FBI, or rather one member in particular. Said member was in the upper echelon of the B-FBI and was respected and feared throughout the world. It was once rumored that he would take the position of the B-FBI director after the death of the previous director, Bulk Trojan.

All Nuts froze when he saw the lolis, his nuts shrunken down. All Nuts reached down and grabbed his nuts through his superelastic pants. All Nuts pulled his nuts up and began spinning them around like a lasso, he called out his new move "TEXAS NUTS!" All Nuts' nuts wrapped around Timas like a lasso. Timas' eyes widened in shock, all he wanted to do was look at lolis and now he was wrapped up by nuts. Suddenly one of the 13 robed figures from the B-FBI appeared and t-posed. The robed figure walked towards All Nuts and Timas, while still t-posing. The robed figure pulled their hood down to reveal Boot Lansen, member of the B-FBI and lolicon catcher extraordinaire. Boot Lansen, while still t-posing, said to Timas "Alright Timas why don't you take a seat right over there. All Nuts retract your nuts from Timas and leave this place." All Nuts nodded and retracted his nuts from Timas and jumped away epicly. "It's just you and me now Timas, so why don't you take a seat right over there."

Meanwhile, Bakagoo walking down the street following a ping on his Retard Radar. He had been tracking a Mega Retard for three hours. Little did he know the Mega Retard he was tracking was himself. Bakagoo's Retard Radar went off again and showed that there was an Alpha Retard somewhere in his vicinity. Bakagoo followed the Retard Radar and found himself in front of a normal looking house. Bakagoo walked up to the door of the house and began bashing his head against it. After the 69th bash the door fell down to the floor with a thud. Bakagoo wiped the blood and wood bits from his forehead and walked into the house. Bakagoo pulled out his Retard Radar and continued to follow the Alpha Retard signal. As he walked through the house he ended up in the living room and saw a nut workout video playing on the tv. Bakagoo left the living room and stopped in front of the basement door. At this point the Retard Radar was going crazy it was beeping like a heart monitor attached to a kid jerking off in the hospital. Once Bakagoo opened the door he was engulfed by a green, sticky goo.

 **And with that chapter 4 comes to an end, I also want to apologize for the long wait for chapter 4. With that out of the way what did you all think? Who are what is the goo that engulfed Bakagoo? Will Bakagoo survive? Will there even be a chapter 5? Find out on the next episode of DragonBleaPiece!**


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